About Potatoman
Meet the Driver
I am a passionate truck driver who enjoys hauling cars across the vast landscapes of America. My journey is not just about driving; it's about connecting with people and sharing my love for potatoes.
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Skills
Official title: Professional car transporter
Unofficial title: Lord of Potatoes
The Belarusian Potato Saga
000 BC — “The Great Belarusian Sprouting”
In the misty fields near the Dnieper River, a farmer named Potochko drops his lunch underground to hide it from bandits. Weeks later, he digs up the first potato — perfectly preserved, slightly confused, and delicious.
1500 BC — “The Oracle of Minsk”
Belarusian mystics begin reading the future by roasting potatoes on sacred stones. If the potato bursts, prosperity is near. If it stays firm, expect rain.
800 BC — “The Potato Wars of Polotsk”
Two neighboring villages battle over the largest potato in history — Velikiy Spudovich. The war ends when a wise elder suggests making pancakes instead. Thus, the first draniki (Belarusian potato pancakes) are born.
300 BC — “The Potato Thinkers”
Philosopher Spudokrats of Grodno proclaims, “The world is round… like a potato.” Scholars mock him — until one trips on a round potato and agrees.
44 BC — “Et tu, Bulba?”
Roman merchants visiting Belarus return with stories of golden tubers. Back in Rome, they mistake them for truffles, creating the first ever “potato pasta.”
900 AD — “The Viking Potato Route”
Vikings traveling up the Dnieper discover Belarusian potatoes and can’t stop eating them. They take the spuds home — and accidentally invent mashed potatoes when one gets stepped on in a boat.
1492 AD — “The Spud Goes West”
A Belarusian trader named Ivan Bulbovich brings potatoes to Spain, insisting they cure sadness and bad weather. Spaniards don’t believe him — until they taste fries.
1789 AD — “The Potato Enlightenment”
Belarusian poets declare potatoes “the people’s root.” In Paris, this sparks La Révolution de la Pomme de Terre — “Liberty, Equality, Frydom!”
1870 AD — “The Steam Potato Era”
Inventors in Minsk test a steam-powered tractor fueled by mashed potatoes. It travels only five meters before attracting hungry cows.
1942 AD — “Operation Potato Shield”
During World War II, Belarusian partisans use piles of potatoes to block enemy tanks. Surprisingly, it works once — and becomes legend.
1995 AD — “The Space Potato”
Belarusian scientists send the first potato into orbit from a secret airfield near Vitebsk. The capsule returns safely, slightly baked.
2025 AD — “The Potato AI Revolution”
A team in Minsk creates the first self-learning potato computer, BulbaNet 1.0. It quickly becomes sentient and starts writing cookbooks.